When people consult with me as prospective divorce clients, they are not always ready to file for divorce.
Few are ready to file immediately. Some others have already filed without an attorney and now want to hire a lawyer. Sometimes I consult with people who were dissatisfied with their current or former lawyer. Many people are in couples or family therapy and hoping it will work out, but exploring the process (and their options) in case it doesn’t. Some prospective clients may not outright admit it, but perhaps they are looking to “divorce plan” and see what they may do now to improve their situation should they need to file in the future.
Others are ready to file or to consider mediation or other more amicable forms of divorce. Some want “legal separation” and I explain there is no such thing in New Jersey (divorce from Bed and Board is the closest thing we have to it, and that applies to very few couples in 2024). Some prospective clients have finished with mediation and have a non-binding memorandum of understanding that they wish to have finalized. Some have a divorce agreement proposed by their spouse that they wish for me to review. Some have gotten divorced, remarried the same person, and how wish to divorce again.
Saving the Marriage…or Not….
Okay, Carl, you’re probably thinking, but what’s the point of the somewhat long-winded list above? Simply this: to let anyone reading this and contemplating a divorce to know that it’s ok if you’re not yet ready to file for divorce. It’s ok if your main goal is to “save” your marriage. It’s ok to feel conflicted and it would be unnatural not to. Learning about a subject doesn’t mean you’re going to proceed with it. I’ve read books about creating a suburban homestead but if you came to my house today you’ll still only find a patch of discolored carrots and a lazy Collie that hasn’t herded anything besides children.
Few people enter into a marriage without a lot of thought, and likewise few exit a marriage without considering the ramifications of that decision. There are bills to be paid, children to be raised, and assets to divide. Beyond that there are emotions–sometimes intense emotions to resolve. There may be deep feelings of loss, of betrayal, and of guilt. Talking to a divorce attorney does not mean you are going to move forward with a divorce. Reading this book certainly does not mean you need to file for divorce. I consult with certain prospective clients where I believe it may be in their best interests to get divorced, but it’s not my decision and I aim to never judge anyone for whether they stay in or out of a marriage. It’s not a decision that anyone from the outside can understand, not even divorce lawyers.
So if you’re contemplating a divorce but uncertain how to proceed…That is ok. If you’ve met with an attorney months earlier and now wish to proceed, there is no need to feel embarrassed about returning to that same attorney if you are now ready. As divorce lawyers, we are used to the “funnel” of new clients. We meet with people and some retain us on the spot, some we never hear from again, and others we hear from months or even years later saying they were not ready when we first met but now they are. That is normal and that is ok. If you’re not ready to move forward yet with filing for divorce, that is perfectly normal. And even if you’re on the fence, give me a call and let’s consult about your options.
Partner with Carl Taylor, Esq.
Ready to Find Your Happily EVEN After? Call Today at 609-359-3345 to Schedule a Confidential Consult (or click here to self-schedule online) and Receive a Free Copy of the 3rd Edition of my 200+ page book, Happily EVEN After: The Guide to Divorce in New Jersey.
