Divorce Frequently Asked Questions

Below is a Podcast Transcript of our episode on the subject of Frequently Asked Questions. You can also listen to it by clicking here.

I know when I majored in English during college and I thought about a career perhaps in journalism. We heard about who, what, when, where, why, how. Those were the important questions that essentially served to cover everything.

In divorce, it’s simplified. You already know who; your spouse, you already know where; the jurisdiction where you reside, that’s usually pretty simple. Sometimes it’s not, but usually it is. My clients, they provide the why, they know why they’re there. The questions for me as a divorce attorney, with my practice located here in Hunterdon County and serving central New Jersey, is a lot of when, how and what. 

The what questions are pretty simple. What will this cost? What would it cost for my divorce attorney? What would it cost in terms of what I have to pay to my spouse? What will this cost in terms of how much time I have to give up with my children? The what questions dominate – these are the dominant questions in a divorce. Then the other major question I always hear is “when?” Invariably, this is the number one question. How long is this going to take? How long until I’m divorced? 

Of course being a lawyer, I say, “Well, depends.” Then I say, “Normally, a divorce in New Jersey can take anywhere from a couple months up to a couple years.” I’d say for my practice, most cases last four to eight months on average.

The real general rule of thumb that I tell clients, or prospective clients is once you come to a settlement and you’ve got a drafted marital settlement agreement, you take that period plus about a month for the court to get you scheduled to finalize your divorce and that’s how long it takes to get divorced. How long it takes you and your spouse with or without the assistance of counsel to come to written agreement, plus about a month. 

So, four to eight months on average to get a divorce, but it’s so personal and so fact-sensitive, all you can really do is attempt to move it forward quickly and efficiently. Our firm tries to be efficient. We aim to move the matter forward as quickly as possible, given the factors. There’s obviously factors outside of our control. The court system itself has timelines in place and scheduling, but mostly, it’s how long to take for you and your spouse with or without the assistance of attorneys to come to an agreement. 

In terms of cost, again—me being a lawyer, it’s somewhat variable. Most divorce attorneys in New Jersey, almost all charge by the hour for certain ethical guidelines in place that make it hard for us to charge otherwise. We can’t do a contingency fee that you couldn’t bend and a personal injury case or something like that. It’s hourly cost. Then how many hours takes to get a divorce. I usually ask for a $5,000 retainer for most contested divorces and closer to $2,500 or $3,500 for uncontested. Then you bill against that retainer amount every month. If there’s money left over at the end, you’re refunded. If the matter hasn’t resolved at the time that the money has run through or almost run through, I have a discussion with my clients. 

The important thing is as I tell clients unfortunately, we’re not building a deck, or doing something that we can map out how long it’s going to take and we’re going to have a finished product, a lot of it is going to come down to how long it takes people to come to terms of settlement. The more that they can do to work out those terms before they come to us or between themselves, that’s really only beneficial to them. The more you get into the discovery, or complex matters it really can take a lot of time. 

Unfortunately, as efficient as we are it can also take a good deal of money to get through the divorce process, depending upon the case, the emotions of those involved, the personalities of those involved and the attorneys involved. Regarding general issues in a divorce, if you have children, it’s going to be what kind of parenting time can you agree upon? Who’s going to have custody? Will it be joined 50/50 custody? 

We have some variation where one parent is the parent of primary residence and the other is alternate. Courts more and more are moving towards 50/50 parenting time and asking you to put the burden on you to explain why it shouldn’t be 50/50, if you’re seeking more than 50/50 parenting time. 

Child support is calculated based upon a number of factors; most importantly, the number of overnights each parent has with the child or children. The income of the parents, alimony also comes down to the differential in your income, along with how long you’ve been married and there’s a number of factors that go into play to determine whether or not there’s an alimony obligation. 

Another major issue they’ll be confronted in divorce is equitable distribution; everything from how you divide your cars, your house, your stock options, your pensions, down to how do you divide your debts, your credit card debts, everything that you’ve commingled, or earned, or get encumbered by during your marriage, you’ll have to now split in some fashion. Usually, it’s a 50/50 split, but not always. That’s something your divorce attorney will walk you through and determine what kinds of rights and responsibilities you have regarding not just alimony and child support, but also an equitable distribution. 

Regarding what types of questions you should be prepared to be asked a divorce initial consultation, we’ll review basic things, like when you go to a doctor’s appointment, they ask for your address, your phone number, or just basic information and then we’ll get into more specific information to the divorce; your income history, your education, your employment, your spouse’s employment, any issues with your children, any issues with your health, any possible custody issues, any history of domestic violence, how much your property may be worth, your assets, your bank accounts, investment accounts, college costs, health insurance and life insurance issues. If you have a business, how do you value the business? You have profit sharing, how do you confront profit sharing and pensions? 

The divorce consult generally takes about one and a half to two hours to get through depending upon the complexity of the case. We charge a flat rate of $250.00. During that divorce consult, we’ll figure out whether we’re a good fit for you, you’ll decide whether you’re a good fit for our firm. From there, we’ll drop a retainer agreement and start a formal attorney-client relationship, if that’s something both parties wish to proceed with. 

Our firm is located in Raritan Township, Hunterdon County. Again, we serve all of Central New Jersey, especially Hunterdon County and Somerset County. If you’d like to check us out on the internet, our website is mynjdivorcelawyer.com. If you’d like to schedule a divorce consult, you can do so at that web address using our scheduling feature. If you’d like to call to setup a initial consult, you can call 908-237-3096. During the divorce consult, we can go through not just these questions, but all the questions pertaining to your divorce more specifically. 

I hope this frequently-asked-questions feature is helpful. Thanks for listening. Take care. 

Podcast 5 – Addressing Emotion in a Divorce

EPISODE 05 

Click here to listen to the Podcast itself http://mynjdivorcelawyer.libsyn.com/episode-5-addressing-emotion-in-a-divorceor read below for a transcript of the material.

[0:00:08.5] CT: How did it come to this and what can you do about it? How did a relationship that started out with fancy dinners and romance turn into a “we need to have a talk” or a “maybe we need to separate” or a discovery on a cellphone that there is an affair, or a now someone is packing up and leaving?  

How do you get beyond that point when you’ve tried marriage therapy or couple’s counseling, when you’ve gone to individual therapy, perhaps? What do you do when you’ve sort of lost that control, where a marriage is broken irreparably and irretrievably, what do you do to move it forward when you have to get divorced?  

This is Carl Taylor and this is the Happily Even After Podcast. I’m a local attorney in Hunterdon County, New Jersey. Our firm serves Central New Jersey and we have a great deal of information on our website, www.mynjdivorcelawyer.com. The purpose of this podcast is to sort of delve deeper into some of these issues. Now, very few divorce lawyers are trained in any professional setting to deal with psychology or the emotion of a divorce and yet it inescapably becomes a part of our practice. It’s very, very difficult–probably impossible to separate emotion from a divorce and it’s sort of the opposite of most cases.  

In most cases, in most areas of the law, it’s 70-80% “the Law” and 20-30% emotion.  It’s sort of flipped on its head in divorce law. What you’re dealing with is an area where it’s almost 20-30% actual legal issues and 70-80% emotional issues and of course, that varies by case.  

There are some cases that are relatively amicable and they end fairly quickly. They’ve reached a point where the parties perhaps no longer can work out the relationship but they’re comfortable with each other, they’ve processed it, they’re in a good spot and those cases, kind of come and go through a divorce practice relatively quickly. They’re not the cases a divorce lawyer generally remembers 10, 15, 20 years later. It’s usually the high conflict cases or the cases with a lot of emotion. 

I think to some extent that’s because it’s hard for, at least it’s hard for me as a divorce lawyer, to know how to address the emotion and I’ve given a lot of thought to it and of course, I can relate to it because we all have family dynamics, we all deal with emotion. None of us are robots so even though I understand the law, I think one of the things that I need to do or I try to do and probably most divorce lawyers feel the same way is read up on the emotional piece and talk to experts in marriage counseling or therapists or read books about how do you help somebody grieve, because that’s part of it, it’s not what we’re getting paid to do but it’s part of it.  

But we really can’t separate the emotion from the divorce and we can’t be robotic either. So what I want to touch on in this podcast and in future podcasts, I’d like to have some of these experts on to talk about emotion with them in a more clinical manner than I can. But I guess I just want to talk about some ground rules or ideas for anyone contemplating a divorce, anyone who is fearful that their children are being alienated by a spouse or an ex or if you’re separated or even after a divorce. Just because the divorce is finalized, doesn’t mean all the emotions go into a tidy little box and don’t come out ever again.  

A lot of divorces are more like a Pandora’s box, if anything, because at any moment those emotions can be triggered or released and I definitely don’t want to ever do a disservice to my clients by letting people think it’s going to be easy, because it’s not. On our website, one of the things we’ve done is we’ve added a section on various parts of the law where we have all of our articles and links to articles where we’ve been published offsite and links to relevant podcasts. But we also have the section, one of the eight, it’s only addresses the issue of emotion in a divorce.  We’ll have interviews with someone like Glenn Murphy who is a licensed counselor and marriage therapist in Somerset County, about how do you address the emotion of divorce with your children? How do you help your children through a divorce?  

I mean, that’s a very real concern. We care about our children and obviously a divorce will impact your children, one way or the other. Even in the best-case scenario, there’s going to be some impact and how do you protect them through that? So, I think today it’s more of a base line in this podcast, talking about emotion. Sometimes we don’t want to talk about it, we want to keep it in. But there’s going to be emotion as part of your divorce, that’s only natural and your divorce lawyer’s not going to be trained. Someone like me is not – I’m not trained, necessarily, in any clinical manner. 

So what I can do is, in certain cases, recommend that somebody go to a therapist, but not everybody’s comfortable doing that. Some people probably take it personally. It’s not–it’s just something I think is a good idea because a divorce as they say is worse than a death, it doesn’t mean you have to go to therapy forever, it doesn’t mean you need to be medicated. But talking to someone, clergy, therapist, reading books, reading some of the materials we have access to on our website, whatever it is that you do to help yourself through the lows in life that inevitably will strike.  

Some people take up running as a healthy way to get through it. I know for me, I really enjoy going for long hikes to clear my head. When I’m really going through a tough problem that I want to solve, I might go out and hike 10, 15 miles on a Saturday and take those four, five, six hours to myself, away from everybody in nature and think. It’s going to be different for everybody. Go wail on your guitar, go talk to a family member, talk to your parents, whatever it might be but make sure you have a support network and understand that even an attorney like me who is talking about emotion in a divorce, I’m not going to be trained.  

Some attorneys probably are trained or dual trained, but most attorneys, even in family law, we’re not trained in how to necessarily address the emotion and we’re used to people being very emotional. I think a lot of times, I can only speak for myself, it can be frustrating when you see a case take a turn for the worse because of emotion, one way or the other and it’s tough if you think someone’s playing games because, you know, divorce is not a game. It’s serious business and at the same time, I think sometimes you have to let it out. Sometimes I’ve been through mediations where it didn’t seem helpful but, you know, a few days later or a couple of weeks later. The case settles unexpectedly and it’s almost like a blood-letting, you let the negative emotion out.  

You know, the reason why most people are getting divorced ultimately is because of a lack of communication, a lack of boundaries, and a lack of trust. So now you are going through a really difficult situation with somebody that you’ve had a hard time communicating with, with somebody that you don’t necessarily trust. So how do you get through this difficult process and you have the stranger, most times the stranger that is your lawyer and a lot of clients are skeptical of their lawyers. I have clients who wonder if I am in it to run up a bill, for instance, and I think in almost any high conflict divorce, there’s going to be a moment where as an attorney, you look at your client and the client is thinking, “Do I really trust this person?” I think that is natural.  

So learning how to communicate effectively with your lawyer or having your lawyer hopefully teach you how to communicate with them and how to take the wheel of your divorce to some extent because there is no single factor in your divorce that is going to have a bigger impact on it than you and yeah, you are paying me as your lawyer a lot of money per hour for my knowledge and expertise in this area of the law. But to get to the point where you have a settlement and you are clear on your goals and you’re clear in what you need to get out of this divorce to move forward, a lot of that is up to you.  

It is not entirely up to you because there is another party, your spouse, and then there’s the court and they’re going to have the court that’s going to have another agenda and its own views. The biggest agenda of all generally being moving an overstuffed docket as quickly as possible efficiently through. But there is no way to come out of this with everything that you want unless you’re well informed about what your rights and responsibilities are and most people don’t want to think about the second half of that equation, but it is true. In a divorce you may have certain rights but you’re also going to have responsibilities and if you come in for a consult with me I am going to tell you about your rights and also your responsibilities.  

You may have to pay alimony, you may have to pay child support and you may not like it. You may not have a great custody case or maybe you do. But you need to understand the law and you need to understand what is attainable and the cost and time and money to pursue every avenue of your divorce to its conclusion. When I was growing up, I know I saw my parents who have been married for a very long time and have a very good marriage. But I saw them go through an out of nowhere civil type litigation where a township error led to their being damage to their house and then the township didn’t want to pay for it and I saw my parents who were very down to earth, blue collar kind of people go through this and I was a young kid and, you know, finances were tight already and they got even tighter.  

It didn’t seem like they were getting the proper communication from their attorney, who knows? But it seemed like they were in the dark about the process and what was going to happen and I knew at a young age that I wanted to be a lawyer to do the opposite of that. I wanted to go out and really inform people about the process and divorce law is a great area for that because I work with real people. I have the ability to really take people through a difficult process and be their guide and hopefully point them to materials and sort of almost teach them the process and the procedure and the law and those rights and responsibilities, and it is not always smooth and it is not always perfect and every case is different and has different personalities.  

But what I come to over and over again is that if you have that knowledge that’s great. That is one part of the puzzle, but you also have to have knowledge of yourself, knowledge of your soon to be ex, knowledge of the style of your attorney and to their attorney and really just an overarching knowledge of the emotion of divorce. So I don’t want to beat a dead horse, but in the coming weeks on our website, on social media, in our podcast here I really want to delve in more and more into what is the emotional mix that has to be addressed in a divorce and it might be in your case, you feel a lot of guilt because you had an affair and you got caught. Maybe you just want to give up all of your alimony rights and give up your kid’s child support rights and take less custody and parenting time because you feel guilty.  

Or maybe that was your spouse who did all of that stuff and you just want to punish them and they’re a great mom but they went out and had an affair. So now you want to make sure that you punish them by taking away her time with her kids, with your kids. There’s going to be all kinds of — I can’t get into the specifics because I am talking to a wide audience but there’s going to be feelings of abandonment, doubt. People who are not sure if they wanted to get divorced because they are afraid that they’re never going to find anybody else, so they stick through a bad marriage.  

There’s going to be people who feel anger, frustration. There is going to be people who have legitimate psychological issues, borderline personality disorder, and narcissistic personality disorder and on and on that impact the divorce. There’s going to be feelings of apathy, right? The opposite of love as they say isn’t hate it’s apathy. There’s going to be people who are depressed because their marriage is ending and they don’t want to fill out the forms.  

How do you get to the point where you need to do to answer discovery and pick your head up to address this issues and there’s going to be people who don’t want to put the money into the divorce that it needs to get it resolved in the sort of catch 22. These are all largely emotional issues and until you can, like I said earlier, blood let some of these issues you really can’t get to meat of the case what I call the 20-30% that is the actual law. You know the law that addresses each component of your divorce case.  

So today was just to give a general overview of emotion in divorce and you can look for more information on mynjdivorcelawyer.com. If you’d like to schedule a consult, my number is 908-237-3096 and I hope everyone’s enjoying a good January thus far in 2019 and I look forward to addressing, in coming weeks, the issue of emotion in divorce and to have some experts who can help us delve into this topic and understand it better.  

So thanks again for listening and have a great day. Bye.  

[END]

Divorce = Personal Finance With Someone You Now Hate

In Podcast Episode 4 Attorney Carl Taylor and his Wife Kristen discuss the dos and don’ts of marriage and personal finance. Listen or read the transcript.

EPISODE 04

In Episode 4, January 2, 2019 Carl and his wife discuss personal finance in a marriage, communication, and how personal finances can impact a divorce, which Carl jokingly refers to as “personal finance with someone you now hate”. Below is the transcript or to listen click here: Embedded in Site Edition, Download Edition.

[INTERVIEW]

[0:00:08.4] Carl Taylor: Hello, welcome. Happy 2019 and welcome to the new and improved and rebranded Carl Taylor New Jersey Divorce and Family Law Podcast, now known as Happily Even After.

Today is a special day for our podcast because we will be doing our first interview with our “secret guest” who will be on momentarily and today’s topic is going to really focus around personal finances, how do personal finances impact a marriage, how can they lead to a divorce when not handled properly and what can we learn from those who are facing divorce or separation.

How can we learn from some of their miss-steps to make sure that we can keep track of our personal finances and not run into those types of issues. This is also important for people who have already been divorced or who are about to be divorced, if you are contemplating divorce. A lot of times personal finance issues are a big part of the problem. They’re one of the symptoms of an unhealthy marriage and you don’t have to be an economist to be good at personal finance.

You don’t have to be an expert in finance or anything else but you do have to have good communication in a marriage. You can’t have one spouse spending money and you don’t realize that they’re spending it.

You can’t have one spouse hiding assets, planning for divorce and you certainly don’t want to have one spouse taking on full responsibility for the finances in the household without any discussions because then at the time of the divorce or God forbid, if someone should pass away, the other spouse is going to have a hard time maintaining the finances of the home moving forward.

And they are going to have a difficult time knowing where the bank statements are held, knowing which assets they have, how much debt they have. So it’s really very important to have a good grasp on your finances and if you’re married to make sure that you both jointly have a firm grasp of your finances.

So without further ado, I’m going to introduce my secret guest, none other than my own wife, Kristen Taylor, who I have asked to come on as the first guest of our show. We have been married for 10 years. She’s obviously somebody who has a lot of tolerance if she’s been able to remain married to me for 10 years. But we are going to discuss some of our financial house rules some of which I have implemented just because I have always been curious about personal finance.

Some of which Kristen’s implemented because she has a good financial mind and some of which I have taken from this experience of going through more than a hundred divorces with other people, seeing how they do things and seeing some of these common threads of where people go wrong.

So without further ado, I am going to introduce my wife, Kristen Taylor, my better half. So Kristen, how are you?

[0:03:13.0] Kristen Taylor: I’m very good, thank you.

[0:03:14.7] CT: Thank you for being our ‘guinea pig’, I mean first guest on our program.

[0:03:18.4] KT: Of course, I am honored (sarcastic).

[0:03:20.3] CT: I’m sure you are, I was wondering or I was hoping that maybe you could go through sort of when we first got married 10 years ago where things stood and all the big assets I brought to the marriage.

[0:03:32.1] KT: Sure, well you certainly came into the marriage with a lot… of student loan debt. I had my own as well and even before we were married we had started to talk about planning and saving and what our view for the future was.

[0:03:47.7] CT: Yes, so I think we had about a combined $200,000 in student loan debt.

[0:03:53.6] KT: That sounds right.

[0:03:54.5] CT: Which when you are in school and you’re young doesn’t really mean anything because you just don’t know and then you get into the real world and it’s a couple of thousand dollars every month and I think very early on I started to freak out about it and you and I had to sit down and it’s like, “What are we going to do?”

And we were used to living like college students but we had to formulate a plan either just lay back and not do anything or to take drastic steps to try to get rid of it. So could you review with the audience which is probably only you and I anyway?

[0:04:28.9] KT: Sure, I think one of the things that was a big driver for us was the pressure we felt, both of us with the student loans, kind of looming, over our head. So we decided that that was going to be something we were going to take one full force and we decided that we are going to target our student loans and then we had the goal set for ourselves to pay off our student loans as quickly as possible. We knew we wanted to start a family and buy a home someday so –

[0:04:55.0] CT: Can you talk about our little spreadsheet we created, whatever it was?

[0:04:58.9] KT: Sure, so one of the ways that we were able to I think survive and come out on the other side was to make it fun or somewhat fun for ourselves. So we created a chart that every box on the chart represented a thousand dollars of our student loan debt.

[0:05:16.3] CT: So there is like 200 boxes, right?

[0:05:19.0] KT: 200 boxes on a sheet that we kept and every time we were able to pay off a thousand dollars we would actually cross off a box on the chart and it was a game for us. It kept us going and we were able to see the progress and to stay strong I think throughout the process. So we had that chart for a few years and we were finally able to pay off our student loans two years ago.

[0:05:43.3] CT: So I think one of the things we did along with that silly chart that we now have framed somewhere I am sure in our house, is every month we kind of have a sit down and say, “Here is where things are.” And I’ll admit, I probably was tighter in terms of… I was kind of like, “We can’t spend any money ever,” and you’re like, “Carl, we still have to live,” but we’d have a sit down and you’d let me know. We’d communicate and say, “Carl we need some money for this, or you’re being penny wise pound foolish.” It was a once a month kind of thing and we still do that today.

[0:06:15.1] KT: And we did that because of the planning. We would look to see what birthdays we knew we had that month, which holidays we knew we were going to have that month and what expenses were going to come up that month so that we could plan ahead and then see how much we could put towards savings. I mean we were able to do that each month and have that communication but it takes a little planning to think of the things that are coming up.

Who needs a gift for administrative assistance day, who needs a birthday party gift and planning for those things they’re –

[0:06:42.3] CT: Car breaking down.

[0:06:43.5] KT: Yeah, car breaking down, we had multiple savings accounts too that we put money into for emergency plans and planning for things that could come up with incidentals and unexpected issues.

[0:06:56.3] CT: For the purposes of this podcast which is obviously aimed at people who are going through a divorce or know somebody who is going through a divorce, I don’t want to come across like we’re bragging. I think the main reason why I have you on here Krissy was because as much as we tend to have a good marriage, there was definitely some fights about personal finance early on and I think when we were first trying to form that important base at the beginning of our marriage if we hadn’t taken the time to communicate and if I hadn’t implemented some things based upon what I see from my own clients.

Which is we really need to talk about these things and not barrier had in the sand. I mean, even if you communicate pretty well with somebody else, personal finance can really be a quicksand kind of thing.

[0:07:36.6] KT: Certainly, I was confused a first certainly and I can say honestly, I don’t enjoy the budgeting process as much as you do.

[0:07:45.7] CT: I’m like Gollum with that stuff.

[0:07:47.8] KT: I had to jump on board but it was something that you were able to show me, we were able to meet with success but it was about the communication of that because you know, I wasn’t always sure where the money should be going or what we should be focusing on and what we should be spending on and you certainly had, you know, you had the proof,  you had the ability to show me that it was working over time for us.

I also think that very quickly we had to make sure we were on the same page about what our goal was and that can be extremely difficult if your goal is not the same as your spouse’s, we decided that we were going to live a certain lifestyle for later gains.

[0:08:23.2] CT: Yeah, we bought a smaller house and that kind of stuff, I don’t impress my clients when I drive up in my Hyundai Elantra but at the same time, I don’t have a car note on it so one of the things about a divorce and I know you’re not an attorney Kristen, just to be clear to the audience, but divorce law, I guess you could kind of colloquially call it personal finance with someone you hate.

I mean, part of divorce is you have to literally go through and as an attorney I do this, we go through what’s called a case information statement, we fill out every form, we try to get an idea for what the monthly budget is for your family, what it will be after the divorce, what it is during the divorce, a lot of times, people sit there and say, I just really have no idea and you know, that’s true of a lot of people but when you’re going through a divorce.

You really have to have an idea of your finances. Whether you think you can salvage your marriage and maybe by communicating better about finances, you can or whether you’re going through a divorce, you really have to get a handle both of you and your attorneys on your finance or you’re not going to be able to divide the marital pie.

[0:09:27.2] KT: I know it’s going to sound cliché but you really need to know where the money is, you need to know every account that exist, you need to know the passwords for those accounts and you need to know how to access those accounts and if the way that today is with online bill pay and online banking, it’s even more important to know where all of your money is. If you’re not sure, those are the questions you really should be asking of your spouse.

[0:09:51.4] CT: Four or five months ago, Kristen comes to me and she says, hey, I feel like I’m sort of out of the loop with the – where we’re investing money and the passwords. You mind just making a list of everything we own and the passwords to it and being a divorce lawyer, I thought to myself, oh my God, this is divorce planning on Kristen’s part. Time will tell, I did give you a list of everything, so that goes back to the communications as well.

At the same time, you know, don’t be naïve like I am and you know, there are certain signs in the way someone’s acting that you know, you’ll be paranoid about it but they could be a sign of, if somebody starts taking more of an active interest in their finance, that’s not the case that Kristen is, because we’ve always been pretty much on the same page.

I think I was actually going to go out of town on business and she would have make sure if the plane crash, she knew how to get to my – or our savings account but you know, somebody starts taking more of an active interest, if you see somebody being shady or secretive with their money, those are all signs that they might be divorce planning and you know, I did an article Kristen, that really could put anyone to sleep on divorce in the age of bitcoin.

About how people can use some of these more high tech asset classes like bit coins in attempt to hide money. There’s really all kinds of interesting aspects to personal finance and divorce and I would also say, for anybody who is getting remarried, you want to make sure statistically, second marriages aren’t as successful as first marriages but if you’re going to get remarried, you really want to make sure you don’t fall into the same negative patterns.

Even if you’re somebody who is divorced or you’re about to be divorced and meeting somebody new is the last thing on your mind. It’s too late to salvage this marriage. Think about these concepts because I really think that communication, you know, in general is very important but in personal finance, it’s extremely important.

[0:11:39.7] KT: I also think that when it comes to being on a team together and communicating. I think it has to be a judgment free zone, we all have our own opinions about personal finance and how we want to spend our money and what our plans are, if there’s something that your spouse values as a hobby or an interest, if there’s a way that you can work that into your budget so that everyone feels that there’s something there for them in your lifestyle but at the same time, you can both be working towards your goals.

[0:12:10.2] CT: It doesn’t mean you’re going to agree on everything. I mean, I tend to invest in Vanguard type mutual funds which to Krissy I think she would probably – you’d probably like, bury the money in the back of your code, like an old lady kind of keep it in between books.

[0:12:28.7] KT: I’m a squirrel away kind of person, yes.

[0:12:31.5] CT: It’s a matter of communicating those fears and sometimes you know, they’re warranted because I’ve invested in emerging markets or something and then you see you’ve lost 40% of the asset class over the year and you go, well, maybe more of a balanced approach with some bonds or something, does make sense.

Kristen, I sort of, I think we balance each other out. It doesn’t mean that we’re always making the right decision with our finances, we definitely aren’t but we’re communicating and we kind of – there’s not that finger pointing if things go wrong. Just a couple other brief things before we go.

I wanted to talk about the importance of keeping good documents. Now, I’m very anal retentive. I actually have a program where I log every expense and every dollar that comes in and out, it’s called, youneedabudget.com I think. I’m not saying that as an affiliate or anything but that’s just what we use, it’s pretty helpful, you want nothing to do with that, right Kristen?

[0:13:24.8] KT: No, the daily input to me is exhaustive. But what I do like at the end of the month is showing where we’re spending our money. If this is something that eventually you’re facing with regards to divorce, it would be beneficial for you to see where your money is being spent, how much money is actually being spent on your children, how many Amazon boxes are arriving on your front door step.

[0:13:44.4] CT: Too many.

[0:13:45.5] KT: If you start to break it down each month, it can be a very clear picture of where your finances are being spent and where you might be able to cut back or where you may need to increase your focus.

[0:13:56.2] CT: I guess, another thing we’ll talk about is you know, when I started my business about a year ago Krissy, that adds another component to all this because now those Amazon boxes aren’t going to our house, they’re going to my office and you come to the office and you go, Carl, what are you doing, you spend a lot of money on furniture it looks like.

If you have a spouse who has a business, that’s actually an easy way to kind of lose that communication or to have your spouse perhaps deflating their income or hiding assets in the business. Has that been difficult for you that I’ve got an extra – obviously, I’m not doing these things Kristen, I promise. Is it difficult for you to, let’s say I buy furniture or how to communicate when there’s a business mixed in or even other things, you have children, should we pay for piano lessons or not. I mean, there’s a lot of balls in the air.

[0:14:46.6] KT: There are, I think that again it comes back to carving out time to speak about those things. I think you have to also be willing to ask the questions, I think some people like to blindly go along as long as the bills are being paid but I think that we both inquire as to where the things are coming from and how we’re paying for them. I think that’s another big piece is if something you feel like you’re seeing or you’re not sure where something’s coming from you need to ask.

And that’s true whether you are dual income family or a parent who works from home. It comes down to taking the responsibility of knowing where things stand. I think we do that.

[0:15:24.1] CT: The other thing I would recommend to anybody is do your best to be informed about personal finance, especially if you’re heading towards a divorce, go talk to a financial advisor, talk to an accountant, make sure that you know, if you’re cosigning taxes that – and your spouse is self-employed that it’s appropriate that they’re not hiding money from the IRS or something. I mean, really, like I said, it doesn’t take a degree in finance or anything to understand a lot of these concepts.

A lot of them are pretty basic and having that knowledge gives you confidence. I know on our website, mynjdivorcelawyer.com. I’ve written about personal finance and divorce. I’ve written about how your finances can be impacted by a divorce. I’ve got ebooks on the subject. Again, it’s something where I’m a little bit of a personal finance dork. But it’s really important for anybody, you know, whether you’re married or you’re considering a pre-nup, about to be married, understanding your finances or you’re in the thick of a divorce.

A lot of divorce, especially if you have children is really just a matter of math and a matter of calculating what alimony and what equitable distribution should be. As much as you can read about it, I think that’s a good thing to do.

Kristen, thank you so much for joining our podcast, this is our first ever guinea pig slash guest.

[0:16:41.4] KT: Thank you so much for having me.

[0:16:44.1] CT: I’ll see you at home for dinner. Hopefully you’re not stock piling those passwords.

If anyone wants to learn more, you could visit our website like I said, mynjdivorcelawyer.com or call our office, 908-237-3096. We hope that this podcast was helpful and we wish you and your family a healthy and prosperous 2019.

Thanks and have a great day.

[END]

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